Couplet Poem #5- The World's Handiwork

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/19/12-million-years-of-porn_n_2332138.html?utm_hp_ref=weird-news

A report has been released by pornwatchers.com

It reported some findings which dropped quite a bomb.

People have been busy watching porn after porn

Their computers must be tired, their mouses must be worn

1.2 million years if of porn viewed in just six years

What is becoming if this world is one of my fears

Apparently people don't get out that much

Because they are too busy watching porn and such

Find a hobby, take a walk, visit a faraway land

And pretty, pretty please spend some time away from your hand.

Limerick #12- Sloppy Sam

Not quite sure why it took the media 19 days to get a hold of this one but it's out there now....

http://www.newsnet5.com/dpp/entertainment/celebrity/ex-abc-news-veteran-sam-donaldson-charged-with-dui

Sam Donaldson was driving around

In Lewes, DE where I live, a small town

He got pulled over by the town's best

and failed his field sobriety test

And DUI is what the officer wrote down.

Limerick #11- That's Ballsy...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/17/christine-meyers-ran-over-boyfriend-burned-scrotum_n_2317741.html?utm_hp_ref=weird-news

A girl fought with her boyfriend

But there the story does not end.

She ran him over because he was drunk

It burned his chest and tore off his junk

Hopefully, these results she did not intend.

Couplet Poem #4- Walk It Off, Crybaby

I need to write a poem but I am just not in the mood.

I need to write a poem but I have a bad attitude.

I am sitting at work and the day is creeping

So much to do but wish I was sleeping.

I am busy with work and the holiday bustle

But this day is crawling and I want it to hustle.

But I need to get over it and toughen up

Because that's what you do when you're all grown up.

I have so much to be thankful for and yet I whine

Even though the day is warm and filled with sunshine.

Just get through this week because hard work pays

And then we'll be off for the next 11 days!

Rhyming Couplet #3: Stool for Sale

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/12/human-poop-coffee-kopi-luwak_n_2285038.html?utm_hp_ref=food&ir=Food

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about cat poop coffee

And how it is an expensive Indonesian delicacy.

Then the craze included elephants and raccoon.

Now there is a person in Portland crazy as a loon.

You can find him on Craigslist peddling his poo

For $30 a pound.  Is that a deal to you?

Couplet Poem #2- A Cheatin' Fool

My mom cheats at Words with Friends

I call her out but she'll deny it till the bitter end.

"Why would I cheat?" she will often exclaim.

"Cheating is for cheaters and cheating is lame."

So I will let you, the public be the judge

Do I have good reason for holding this grudge?

She plays words like rehem, yente and glady which have no meaning

From that alone, in my favor you should be leaning.

And then there are words which I guarantee she never knew

Such as an ephod which is a vestment for an ancient Hebrew.

And Kainit which is a salt of potassium used in fertilizer production

My mom is cheating and that should be your deduction.

I love my momma and I don't mind her winning.

But cheating is sinning and sinning ain't winning.

Couplet Poem #1 Teabaggers Never Win

I can't believe this guy is going to jail for this.  What a waste of taxpayer money to convict this guy.  If someone is unconscious in a restaurant, they deserved to get teabagged.  

http://atlanta.cbslocal.com/2012/11/29/ala-man-gets-2-years-in-jail-for-videotaped-obscene-act-following-bcs-title-game/

The BCS game was over and done 

So an Alabama fan decided to have some fun

He put his nuts on a passed out LSU fan's face 

It takes balls to teabag in a public place

But it was caught on video and he got his ass sued

Now he's going to jail and his ass will belong to some dude.

Limerick #10- Tinky Winky likes to drinky drinky..

http://batshitcrazynews.com/2012/12/tinky-wink-impersonating-hockey-player-busted-for-dui/

A young man with so much promise went to a party

He put on a costume and got a bit naughty

He drove drunk while dressed as the Teletubby, Tinky Wink

He blew a .30, a lot more that just one drinky drink

Not exactly what you would call a smarty.