Couplet Poem #8 Tat Ain't Cool

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2012/01/georgia-mom-arrested-for-allowing-10-year-old-to-get-tattoo/

A ten year old gets a tat

So... what's wrong with that?

His brother was killed by a car

The tattoo was a memoir

His mom said it was cool

But some think it is cruel

His tiny tatted arm

Is causing alarm

Getting a tat that young is a crime

Although his mom won't get jail time.

If my mom let me get a tat at the age of ten

It would have been the Smurfs, the Snorks or Barbie & Ken.

Kids should not make decisions about permanent marks on their bodies

Because with a Papa Smurf on my ass I would be a lot less of a hottie.

Limerick #13

http://news.yahoo.com/hundreds-animals-removed-ohio-mans-house-215755172.html

A man from Ohio had a pigeon

His love for animals was like a religion.

One pigeon turned into more than thirty

And that got the place filthy dirty

He went overboard on pigeons just a smidgen.

Haiku #19 Cat Capping

A new law out of Kansas...

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/01/04/kansas-s-new-cat-law-and-the-craziest-crazy-cat-lady-stories.html

A new Kansas law

To stop crazy cat ladies

4 cats maximum

Couplet Poem #7

No article here just a video about a girl who like cats.... a lot....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=mTTwcCVajAc

Debbie decided to try dating online on eHarmony

He profile video makes her seem crazy as can be.

She talks about graduating with her MBA 

And from there she starts to go cray cray.

She says, "I love cats" and starts to cry

I doubt that is going to pick up any guy.

She starts to talk about how she likes to run

But goes back to the cats, a subject that should be done.

She wants them in baskets and with bow ties

It's hard to miss the crazy in her eyes.

She wants cats on rainbows and in her bed 

And I want a doctor to examine her head.

Couplet Poem #6- Rokerrhea

http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv-movies/al-roker-pooped-pants-white-house-article-1.1235259

Al Roker was at the White House in 2002

And in his pants he dropped a poo.

He had recently had gastric bypass

And a result his food fell out his ass.

Al Roker is a famous and funny dude

But now he'll be known because in his pants he pooed.

Couplet Poem #5- The World's Handiwork

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/19/12-million-years-of-porn_n_2332138.html?utm_hp_ref=weird-news

A report has been released by pornwatchers.com

It reported some findings which dropped quite a bomb.

People have been busy watching porn after porn

Their computers must be tired, their mouses must be worn

1.2 million years if of porn viewed in just six years

What is becoming if this world is one of my fears

Apparently people don't get out that much

Because they are too busy watching porn and such

Find a hobby, take a walk, visit a faraway land

And pretty, pretty please spend some time away from your hand.

Limerick #12- Sloppy Sam

Not quite sure why it took the media 19 days to get a hold of this one but it's out there now....

http://www.newsnet5.com/dpp/entertainment/celebrity/ex-abc-news-veteran-sam-donaldson-charged-with-dui

Sam Donaldson was driving around

In Lewes, DE where I live, a small town

He got pulled over by the town's best

and failed his field sobriety test

And DUI is what the officer wrote down.

Limerick #11- That's Ballsy...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/17/christine-meyers-ran-over-boyfriend-burned-scrotum_n_2317741.html?utm_hp_ref=weird-news

A girl fought with her boyfriend

But there the story does not end.

She ran him over because he was drunk

It burned his chest and tore off his junk

Hopefully, these results she did not intend.

Couplet Poem #4- Walk It Off, Crybaby

I need to write a poem but I am just not in the mood.

I need to write a poem but I have a bad attitude.

I am sitting at work and the day is creeping

So much to do but wish I was sleeping.

I am busy with work and the holiday bustle

But this day is crawling and I want it to hustle.

But I need to get over it and toughen up

Because that's what you do when you're all grown up.

I have so much to be thankful for and yet I whine

Even though the day is warm and filled with sunshine.

Just get through this week because hard work pays

And then we'll be off for the next 11 days!

Rhyming Couplet #3: Stool for Sale

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/12/human-poop-coffee-kopi-luwak_n_2285038.html?utm_hp_ref=food&ir=Food

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about cat poop coffee

And how it is an expensive Indonesian delicacy.

Then the craze included elephants and raccoon.

Now there is a person in Portland crazy as a loon.

You can find him on Craigslist peddling his poo

For $30 a pound.  Is that a deal to you?

Couplet Poem #2- A Cheatin' Fool

My mom cheats at Words with Friends

I call her out but she'll deny it till the bitter end.

"Why would I cheat?" she will often exclaim.

"Cheating is for cheaters and cheating is lame."

So I will let you, the public be the judge

Do I have good reason for holding this grudge?

She plays words like rehem, yente and glady which have no meaning

From that alone, in my favor you should be leaning.

And then there are words which I guarantee she never knew

Such as an ephod which is a vestment for an ancient Hebrew.

And Kainit which is a salt of potassium used in fertilizer production

My mom is cheating and that should be your deduction.

I love my momma and I don't mind her winning.

But cheating is sinning and sinning ain't winning.

Couplet Poem #1 Teabaggers Never Win

I can't believe this guy is going to jail for this.  What a waste of taxpayer money to convict this guy.  If someone is unconscious in a restaurant, they deserved to get teabagged.  

http://atlanta.cbslocal.com/2012/11/29/ala-man-gets-2-years-in-jail-for-videotaped-obscene-act-following-bcs-title-game/

The BCS game was over and done 

So an Alabama fan decided to have some fun

He put his nuts on a passed out LSU fan's face 

It takes balls to teabag in a public place

But it was caught on video and he got his ass sued

Now he's going to jail and his ass will belong to some dude.

Limerick #10- Tinky Winky likes to drinky drinky..

http://batshitcrazynews.com/2012/12/tinky-wink-impersonating-hockey-player-busted-for-dui/

A young man with so much promise went to a party

He put on a costume and got a bit naughty

He drove drunk while dressed as the Teletubby, Tinky Wink

He blew a .30, a lot more that just one drinky drink

Not exactly what you would call a smarty.

Acrostic #7 Get Your Shop On

And.... it's here.  Black Friday time.  Strap on your helmets.

B astardization of capitalism
L uring consumers
A dvertising incessantly
C amped out in tents
K illing time

F renzied and freezing
R ushing the doors
I  nciting riots
D ragging down little old ladies
A ll so you can save $30
Yea for Christmas!!!

Acrostic #6 With Turkey and Booze, You Can't Lose!

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!!!  Have a great day and hopefully you are fortunate enough to spend it with friends and family.

T ime for turkey
H anging out with family
A nd spending time together
N apping and watching football
K ids running all aroumd
S aving room for desert
G ood for your soul
I nstant rejuvination
V odka makes the day even better
I cy alcoholic treat
N o driving necessary
G ive me 15 more!